my life...my say

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'm not trying to blame it on the surrounding...
Never am I putting the blame on anybody.

But no matter how hard I try

It still feels the same.

I did try to stand out.

I did try.

But somehow...

I just lost it.

I've lost myself.
I've lost my true self...

The atiq who

Used to be cheerful
Used to have that happy-go-lucky attitude.
Used to crack jokes
Used to make people around her laugh
Used to be carefree
Used to be happy
Used to not have any problems
Used to not care about whatever people say
Used to have a smile on her face

...USED TO BE ME...

But now...

I barely know who I am.
I seldom crack jokes
I'm nomore carefree
I don't feel that,
I've made the people around me laugh
I'm just living by the day
I don't smile all the time
I always have this low self-esteem SHYT!

...I BARELY KNOW ME...

I'm not blaming the people around me...
I'm not blaming it on the surrounding...
I'm not blaming it on anything.

But...

I don't know why.

I don't know what hapened.

I don't know...!!!!

I did try to smile
I did try to understand
I did try to crack jokes
I did try to make the people around me laugh
I did try to be carefree
I did try to haf that happy-go-lucky attitude
I did try to be fine

..I DID TRY TO BE ME...

Somehow,

I FAILED...

Or maybe,

I HAVEN'T QUALIFY TO BE ME...

Am I invisible?

Am I just INVISIBLE???

...Or am I just Not being noticed...?

I'm tired
I' tired of all these.

I know I can't turn back time
To be who I used to be
...no matter how BAD I wanted it...

I'm just so tired
So tired of all these

So tired of living.

Can I just DIE?

I don't matter to anyone anyway...

It doesn't make any difference

...Does it?...

I'm GONE

@1:30 PM